One Punch Ninja
by gartenzwergxxl
Summary: After getting his memory destroyed Naruto is thrown into a river and wakes up in the wild. Kyuubi sees his chance to make the next pranking monster and fighting monster so he starts training him. What will happen when a pervert Naruto gets trained by a pranking master and has the power to destroy everyone in one punch? Alive Minato/Kushina, Crack-Fiction, OP Naruto, Maybe Pairings
1. Sealing some fun

„ **Heyho" –** Bijuu/Summon speaking (unsealed)

 **Damn kitsune –** Bijuu/Summon speaking (sealed) or thinking

 _Muhahaha_ – Deathgod speaking

„Heyho" – Normal speaking

Kage Bunshin – Jutsu

'Meow' – Thinking

 **Hey guys. This is my very first Fanfiction in English and the second one i have ever written. Please tell me your Ideas and how I can get better. I appreciate it**

 **Disclaimer: I do neither own Naruto nor One punch man (sadly)**

 **Chapter 0: Sealing some fun**

„ **GROAAAAAHHHH! Let me free you insolent fools! I don't want to get sealed again, i wanna have fun. Do you understand blond Bastard? I want to prank the hell out of you lot!"**

roared one rather famous, orange fox.

„Kyuubi, I can't let you free and you know that. Don't you remember what you did the last time you were free? You played controlled by Madara just to pull down his pants in middle of his battle against Hashirama and Mito. Poor Mito never really recovered from that side. That's why i need to do this. Snake, Boar, Ram, Rabbit, Dog, Rat, Bird, Horse, Snake: Shiki Fuujin!" Behind Minato a giant white clothed death reaper appeared and began sealing the Kyuubi into one of the two kids presented.

„ **Hahahaha, you have to admit that was hilarious. The look on Madaras face was just Incred** ible... Wait, what? MINATOOOOOO you bastard..."

With that time and space stopped for a short time, as a pale but still handsome young man with pitch black hair came into existence. „Yo, Shi-chan." _What do you want Nii-san? I am busy sealing this damn kitsune here_ „You know, you don't have to talk in cursive to me?" With that the giant deathgod blushed a bit and shrunk to the size of a normal 20 years old woman. „Baka Nii-san. This is just so i get my respect. You know that..." „Yeah yeah, whatevcr... Anyways, can you spare the Souls of the blond and the tomato?" „Why should I? You know they belong to me?" „Well, I asked Nee-sama a little bit about the future of the new jinchuuriki and, well, you know what happens to jinchuuriki without parents. I just wanna play a little prank on Nee-sama and fuck a bit around with the story line." „And what would i get?" „How about 5 Bucks? No? 5 Bucks and cookies?" „Ok, I am in!"

The death reaper transforms back and lets time flow again. To make her dear brother happy though she implements two little features into the new jinchuuriki: The first is a possible endless growth and the second a curse. Everyone, who doesn't know him good enough will hate him, but if they get to know him, they will love him.

Suddenly an old voice sounded over the field where Minato and Kushina were lying. „Minato, you did it! You managed to seal the Kyuubi, that damn beast. Minato? Can you hear me? Minato?"

Hiruzen Sarutobi ran to the seemingly dead bodies of the Forth Hokage. After checking for a pulse however he was relieved. „Anbu, take the Forth, his wife and his two children immediatley to the hospital! They seem to have minor wounds and chakra exhaustion" „Sir, yes Sir!"

 _~~~ 6 Years Later ~~~~_

Minato was sitting in his office, fighting against every kages worst bane. Paperwork.

„Finally we have repaired the last damages done by that damn kitsune... Who would think getting the right underwear back to their respecitve owners could take so long? All that paperwork resulting from that incident weakend us immensely. Thank god to Kage Bunshin!. Finally I can go home to my Family. Oh Kushi-chan, I am so glad you showed me the silencing seals. We're gonna have so much dun tonight. Hehehehe..."

 _~~~~Szene change, in a dark alley of Konoha~~~_

„You damn demon spawn! You brainwashed the Hokage and his poor child. We should have killed you years ago!" „No, please. I... I don't even know what I have done to you. Why do you hate me?" „Shut up you monster, you took my family! As punishment I am going to take yours! Kokoro no Hakai!" Yelled an ashblond guy. With a deafening scream poor Naruto lost his memorys piece for piece. Just 10 minutes later he just layed there with dull eyes looking around.

„Lets just throw him into the river. He'll never come back. Hopefully"

 **That was the first chapter. Please tell me how i can get better and review.**

 **See ya later**


	2. A Kitsunes weakness

„ **Heyho" –** Bijuu/Summon speaking (unsealed)

 **Damn kitsune –** Bijuu/Summon speaking (sealed) or thinking

 _Muhahaha_ – Deathgod speaking

„Heyho" – Normal speaking

Kage Bunshin – Jutsu

'Meow' – Thinking

 **Heyho guys. Big thanks to Uchiha zeref for beeing the first follower to my first english fanfiction. I hope it will please you even in future chapters.**

 **Anyways, I hope now that runs stable again there will be more readers. Please tell me how i can get better or if you have any ideas for this story.**

 **Disclaimer: I do neither own Naruto nor One Punch Man (even though, i want them :D )**

 **Chapter 1: A Kitsunes weakpoint**

 **Hey kit. Hey, hey kit. Wake up. I SAID WAKE THE FUCK UP! Kit, you leave me no choice. If you aren't gonna wake up soon, I will annihilate ramen.**

"Did someone say ramen? Wait, where am I? How did I get into a sewer? And who are you, fuzzie?" **Call me fuzzie one more time...** Kyuubi growled loudly. **Anyways, we are in your mindscape here and I am the great Kyuubi. The strongest being and best prankster in the whole world** "So... if you are the strongest, how did you get into my mindscape?" **Well... that's a story for another time. Can you remember anything?**

"Sadly not. Do you know who I am?" **Yes, I know. But I can't tell it to you. You're to weak to know who you are.** "Can you train me then?" **No** "Please" **I said no.**

'Damn, time for my secret child technique... Koinu no me no Jutsu' **Kit... Stop it. You won't change my decision with those puppy eyes. Kit... Stop it** "Oh please, you big and strong kitsune. Pwetty pwease" **Kit, I won't fall for it. I won't... ah damn kit, stop being so damn cute. That is no fair. Kit, god damn. OK, I will train you. But only under one condition: You will become the next pranking god**

"Yay, yay, yay. I promise. So, what should I do? Tell me, tell me, tell me!" **Easy there kit. For starters: You will do 50 push up, 50 sit up, 50 squads and run 5 km a day. Every day, even if you go bald from it. Never take a break.**

"Ehhhh? So many? Why" **I was just kidding.** "Puhh, I thought..." **It's twice of what I told you.**

 **And now wake up and start getting out of the river. It's getting quite cold in here**

 _ **~~~ In Konoha ~~~**_

"Kaa-san. Have you seen Nato-nii? He said he will play with me in the after noon!" "Sorry Waka-chan, I don't know. Haven't seen him since he went to town to play with Sasuke and Itachi. Maybe he is still there."

"Mou... Nato-nii should better hurry up. I am bored to fuck" " **Waka-chan... Where do you have that f-word from?"** Kushina asked angrily, here red hairs splitting into 9 parts while releasing a lot of saki "F-f-fr-from Jiraya-jii. I-I think..." Wakama cowerd in front of her mother .'Sorry ero-sennin. I can't tell mom I heard it from dad. I still need him.'

" **That damn Ero-sennin. I will kill him for tainting my poor children!"**

"I am home!... Kushi-chan? What happened?" With these words Minato opened the doors and got immediately scared by his wife. "The gallant godfather of our sweet little children is tainting them by learning them bad f-words, darling. Can I please kill him for that by hanging him with his own testicles?" 'Oh shit, can't let Kushi-chan know it was me. Sorry sensei, but I will still need my dick. I will pray, so your soul can find peace.' Sweatdropped Minato. "Well, Kushi-chan... You can't really kill him. You know how Tsunade would react then. She already called dibs on killing him and doesn't like killstealers. But I bet she could revive him for you next time."

Suddenly the door swings open and reveals a panting Mikoto. "Kushina, have you seen Naruto? He wanted to come over today but never came. Is he scared of me or Fugaku? Fugaku already accepted his apology for painting the whole district walls bright orange." "He did what?" exclaimed both Minato and Kushina. Immediately after that they got worried. "No, he started going to you right after lunch."

 **So, that was the second chapter. Hopefully I can publish the third one tomorrow, no promises though. I am trying to get to the humor parts soon, so please don't leave me.**

 **(And no, I won't make this a serious story. My mind is way too fucked up for that at the moment and serious stories with this setting are out there in the thousands.**

 **Lastly, thank you revan-12 for being the first one to favorite this story. And to the rest of you, please review. That helps me a lot.**

 **See ya later**


	3. The training begins

„ **Heyho" –** Bijuu/Summon speaking (unsealed)

 **Damn kitsune –** Bijuu/Summon speaking (sealed) or thinking

 _Muhahaha_ – Deathgod speaking

„Heyho" – Normal speaking

Kage Bunshin – Jutsu

'Meow' – Thinking

 **Heyho guys. It's me, Gartenzwerg back with another chapter for you. A big thanks to all you guys out there who follow and favorite this story. Those actions give me the hope, that I don't write too much crap :D. My main problem right now is having too many ideas and I don't know how I can get all those into the story.  
But anyways, onwards with the chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own neither Naruto nor all the other Anime or Manga I got some ideas from.**

 **Chapter 2: The Training begins**

"What do you mean he hasn't showed up?" Kushina exclaimed frantically, t6he fear clearly written in her eyes. "What are we still standing here then? We have to search for him!" "I'll alarm all the Anbu and every Sensor who is in this damn village. Don't worry Kushi-chan, we will find him." Even after saying this, Minato didn't look very convinced of himself. Right after flashing to his office he alarmed all Anbu in the nearer vicinity by sending of a burst of chakra.

"Hokage-sama, is everything all right? Who dares to attack you?" A frog-masked Anbu asked. "Get me every Anbu and Sensor still remaining in this village. NOW!" "Sir, yes Sir!"

 _~~~5 Minutes later~~~_

"OK everyone here. I got a S-Rank Mission for all of you. The future of this whole village may depend on your success. My son, Naruto Namikaze, is missing since this afternoon. As you all know, he is this villages jinchuuriki and thus is very important. Scratch that, he is my fucking son, so you better find him! Do you understand?" "Tch, what did this demon now?Wasn't his destruction enough?" After hearing such words about his son Minato lost the rest of his cool. He turned around and in an instant stood before the Chuunin, who said this. With clear rage in his voice he asked "Care to explain what you just said about my son?" "He's just a damn demon who brainwashed you, don't you understand Hokage-sama? Your son died when you sealed the Kyuubi inside of him!" the Chuunin sneered with disgust and hatred.

"Oh, so you think my son is only a demon? Well, I show you what is really demonic! Weasel! I want him to experience Tsukuyomi death through Bunga Bunga. Give it your best shot. If you don't, I am sure Ibiki and Orochimaru still need some testsubjects! The rest of you, GO AND FIND HIM!"

"Sir, yes Sir!" And everyone except the unimportant side-chuunin, a weasel-masked Anbu and the Hokage. "Hokage-sama, is a Nice-Guy Party enough of hell?" "Oh yes. The green hell seems to be just right for such a bastard." "No, please. You can't do this to me. I have hamsters at home. And goldfish. Please no. NOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo"

 _~~~In some forest area~~~_

 **So kid. After you have done your warming up we will start your real training. So, RUN BITCH, RUN!**

And with that poor Naruto began his training.

 _~~~5 hours later~~~_

'Ha ha ha, that was only the warm up? What the hell fuzzball?' **Oh, we can still double the fun. Well fun for me.** 'Oh hell, no. You are the best, oh big and strong fox. You are the best and I am totally not complaining.' **That's better. So, the goal is for you to be able to let your chakra explode in some body parts and thus giving you more strength and speed. Come for a moment here into your mindscape.**

'Ok, here I am, what do you want?' **Well, seeing as this is your mindscape you can form a training area. For beginners we need a bunch of leaves and some knives.**

After imagining the said things everything imagined appeared.

 **Kit, I am deeply disappointet. You didn't even use the chance to pull a prank on me... How will you ever be a pranking king if you don't use all opportunities.** That was the moment Kyuubi noticed something. Something disturbing pink. Looking down he saw the great Pink hearts on both of his hands.

 **KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID, I hate you sometimes. Well, at least you followed my advices. But, it's not that I like pink. Do you understand? I HATE PINK. Baka...**

'Was that a blush on the fox's face?' **I AM NOT BLUSHING!** 'He can hear my thoughts?' **Damn yes I can. And as punishment you are gonna start balancing as many leaves on your body as you can while I will have some fun with those knives.**

 **Soo, guys. This was the third strike. What do you think? Is it good? Is it acceptable? Please tell me what you think.**

 **Also, do you want me to do a Jutsu library of all the new used jutsu of a chapter? Or is the name self explaining enough? And do you even want a pairing? And if so, what pairing do you want?**

 **See ya later**


	4. The new Amendments

„ ** **Heyho" –** Bijuu/Summon speaking (unsealed)**

 **Damn kitsune –** Bijuu/Summon speaking (sealed) or thinking

 _Muhahaha_ – Deathgod speaking

„Heyho" – Normal speaking

Kage Bunshin – Jutsu

'Meow' – Thinking

 **Hey guys,**

 **no I am not dead, but I want to apologize to you. I haven't updated this story for so damn long I am really ashamed of myself. Wishing more updates from other authors and being unable to do the same, I am the worst. To be honest, i lost interest in Naruto fanfictions for a while. I've mostly read HP crossovers, KHR and Fairy Tail, but now that my favorite Naruto stories are updated I've found back to the light ;)**

 **I am really sorry for making you wait so long and am thankful for all the people who still favorited this story and are following it. You guys are the best, even if you gave me a guilty conscience... Thank you.**

 **Great Thanks also to redwolf23456, Uchiha zeref and even the guest for telling me their opinions.**

 **And thanks for pointing out my mistake with Itachi. I will upload an Omake where i explain how he got his MS. Crackish as always.**

 **For all those who have forgotten what has happened up to this point and don't want to read the story again, here is what happened:**

 **After sealing the Kyuubi in Naruto and getting saved by a (up till now not known) person for the price of 5 Bucks and a lot of cookies Minato is still alive and Hokage of Konoha. In the process Naruto is getting cursed (everybody who doesn't know him will hate him). This results in various beatings and in the end he is getting thrown into a river. After waking up and losing all his memorys Kyuubi sees his chance to raise a new hero/prankster and starts with training him.**

„Hokage-sama, I am sorry, but your son can't be found. We traced his scent up to a river but there it vanished." „WHAT? Send out all the troops. ALL OF THEM. Comb through the whole country!"

„But sir, we don't have enough combs for that." „THAT WASN'T MEANT LITERALLY YOU DUMBASS! And get me Jiraiya here. Maybe his network is more usefull than you." „Sir, Yes Sir!"

'God, I hate this job sometimes... Hopefully they can find my poor fishcake' the tired Hokage things. 'And how do I tell Kushi-chan about this?'

„Minato-koi, have they found my sochi yet? Please, tell me!" „I... I am sorry Kushi-chan... but hopefully Jiraiya can find him."

 _But even with Jiraiyas help the boy couldn't be found. 6 Years later in an unknown Forest: (AN: ok, i am too lazy to think about where this forest should be...)_

Here we see a young boy of aproximately 12 Years of age. Thanks to his training he has well refined muscles. He is wearing a bright yellow Spandex suit with blood red boots and a white cape.

 **Hey kit, come here for a sec. I have to tell you somethings.** 'Ok Kura-kun, what is it?' **Well first, you have to thank me. Without my chakra you would be bald now thanks to all that training.** 'I would be WHAT?' **Think positive, you are not bald but still strong.** 'But, i could be bald now. How could you?' **Well, that would have been an epic prank hahaha. Anyways, it's time you learn about who you really are. You are strong enough now to learn that.** 'You knew? Asshole...' **Quit whining... Well, you are the son of the Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze and with your power you would make an ideal next Hokage. There are some rules you need to accomplish in Konoha for me.**

 **First Amendment: Art should be loud as fuck**

 **Second Amendment: Cheating is winning**

 **Third Amendment: If you're stuck, there's only one solution: Go harder**

 **Fourth Amendment: Everyone who is not from Konoha arrives beautiful and leavs ugly**

 **Fifth Amendment: If you don't want to get wet, you don't wanna have fun**

 **Sixth Amendment: Always kick out the epic motherfucker. Always!**

 **Seventh Amendment: Never BBQ before a prank!**

 _(AN: Cookie to those who now where this comes from :D)_

'Well, I understand the first and second ones, but why the rest?' **Because Banana** 'What the heck is a Banana?' **It doesn't matter... Kids these days... don't even know what a Banana is. Must be a sad life.** 'I can hear you...' **Well, what are you waiting for? Go back to Konoha and go fucking Banana.** 'Again, what is a Banana?' **Just shut up and go...**

 **So guys, that was the Fourth Chapter. I hope it is to your liking. It was mostly conversation though, i hope i can change that in the next chapter. Planned there is the meeting of Naruto with his sisters team in wave.**

 **Anyways, here is the Omake:**

It was a beautiful day in the Land of Fire. Young Itachi has just got his bento from Mikoto and wants to go out training. The Bento consists of his favorite Onigiri and some Salad.

'Nii-san is going training again. Maybe i can watch him from the sidelines if i follow him' young Sasuke things to himself.

Full of anticipation on his Bento Itachi doesn't notice his brother following him. He lays down the box and starts the training. Today he wants to perfect the Great Fireball. Mi, Hitsuji, Saru, I, Uma, Tora „Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu" he yells and breathes out a big ball of fire. „Damnit. Still not big enough. Again!" Mi, Hitsuji, Saru, I, Uma, Tora „Katon: Gokakyu no Jutsu! Wait a minute, Sasuke? What are you doing there? Shit, I can't stop it. Have to try to make it appear somewhere else." With that he turns around and breathes the Jutsu out. To his horror he notices the Bento box to late and completly destroys it.

„What? No... It can't be true... No... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Why, oh why kami-sama? What have i ever done to you to deserve this? NOOOOOOOOOOO...


End file.
